"We are there when the world stands still"

A light-flooded room with many possibilities: a circle of chairs, in the middle a beautiful arrangement of moss and flowers. This is where self-help and bereavement groups take place. A table for conferencing and sitting together over a calming, warm cup of tea. On one wall is a grid with cards, feathers and flowers attached to it - and wooden clips in the shape of a heart, each with a name on it. A separate room with a seating area for one-to-one counseling and grief counseling. In the corner there is a small library on the subject - a sad subject. Parents and relatives come to these appealing rooms to grieve for "star children": children who died before, during or shortly after birth.

A topic that often remains invisible, especially in the case of children who die before birth, leaving parents alone with their grief. Here they find a place where they can talk about their loss, exchange ideas, get advice and support. "We experience time and again that people delete the word death from what we say in interviews, for example, and try to formulate it more gently. But we believe: it is what it is, and another word won't change that. What is needed is coherent support and public sensitivity," says Jessica Hefner, grief counselor, trained artist and co-founder of the association.

"We always want to do something, but we can't at that moment. But we can say: I'm here, I see you, I can stand it with you. I'll listen to you or keep quiet with you." Jessica Hefner holds two wooden tears in the air. "Often there is only pain at first. But the pain is only there because there is love." She turns the tears over and joins them together: A heart is formed. "Recognizing that is often an important step." Rituals also offer comfort and give form to the farewell. However, many do not know that they have a right to attend the communal funeral of their "star child" - even if the pregnancy was only short. In addition, different regulations apply in each federal state and each municipality. Here, the association not only supports those seeking advice, but also campaigns politically for uniform regulations and the rights of those affected. Community is important in the association - also because the goal of providing good care for all those affected is only possible through a network community, for example with postnatal courses in clinics.

Jessica Hefner is the mother of six children: three living and three dead. Affected herself, she and her husband looked for a support group in 2017 - but there wasn't one. So they founded one themselves. Two years later, the association was born - and has grown steadily ever since. Because the need is great. There is no exact data on miscarriages. Clinic and practice data suggest that there are around 53 miscarriages and 4 stillbirths for every 1,000 pregnancies - but the number of unreported cases is much higher. In 2024, 2,244 children died within the first year of life in Germany.

Early infant deaths have always existed. But the fact that grief for these children is being addressed and de-tabooed is a recent phenomenon - even for obstetric professions. Jessica Hefner and a colleague have only been running a seminar for midwives in Frankfurt for two years, integrated into their studies.

In July 2025, the association will move to Kaiserstraße 5 in Offenbach. It will then be called "Sternenkinder Hessen e. V." and will need correspondingly larger rooms. These will be just as attractive as the old location in Bernardstrasse.